Great food at the Museum of the American Indian

Recently I had lunch with a colleague at the National Museum of the American Indian. One of the great things about the cafeteria here is that it has fare that is quite unique and can’t be compared with typical museum food. The food is traditional and is prepared and served in “traditional” ways, meaning that you can trade a few beads for it. Further, the variety is great….in this cafeteria you can choose to buy food from one of four different regions, each of significance to American Indians – “the southeast,” “the plains,” “firewater,” and “casino.”

Although “traditional” food may be a stretch for some items...specifically I think of fry bread so prominently featured on the menu. A little background on this culinary cardioenemy. See, Americans have been efficient at being bad to certain people in the past, yet pretty inefficient about making reparat….er, uh, amends for our wrongdoing. As part of our very meager effort to assuage our guilt over mistreatment of the Indians, we “gave” them reservations and also sent them huge quantities of food, namely two staples of that healthy European diet: flour and lard. And when life deals you flour and lard, you make fry bread, which the Indians do quite well. So it’s an Indian “tradition” in about the same sense that Harry Connick Jr.’s annual Big, Gay Christmas Show is an American “tradition.” It was foisted upon them and they made do with it because they had to.

On this particular day I passed up the fry bread but felt very culturally in place by trying the most unique offerings I saw: frogs’ legs, a cold salad that had smoked duck, currants, and beans, and some yucca fries in a lime-chili sauce. My friend had, among other things, turtle soup. So there we stood in line to check out, as white as the Osmonds, but feeling ethnically appropriate about our choices, knowing that Jay Silverheels himself would approve of our lunch. As we approached the cashier something – perhaps a warning tingling in my scalp? – made me turn around and I saw that behind me stood an Indian. I smiled and positioned myself a bit so that he could see – and approve of – my food choices. He looked past me, however, with the steely stare of Sitting Bull and I glanced down at his plate and saw…. a cheeseburger. And chicken strips. Sad irony, no? I felt like shedding a single tear.

My colleague has a much better understanding of all this, though, having an anthropology degree of sorts from a good school, Bryn Mawr (which is Welsh for bryn – “you will never” and mawr – “be able to pronounce this without sounding like a moron.” Seriously, don’t wrestle with that “w.” Just say “mar,” as in, “to have a negative effect on.” Used in context here:

Mom of college-bound student – Well, I’m afraid if our daughter goes to a Seven Sisters school….
Dad of same student – Yes?
Mom – I’m afraid she’ll come home marred.
Dad – Meaning?
Mom – You know…a lesbian.
Dad – Good grief, it’s Bryn Mwwwaaarrrwarr, not Smith!
Mom - I think you mean 'Bryn Mawr.')

But now I’ve gotten off topic.
If I have one complaint about the Indian museum it’s the “gimmicky” food offerings. I suppose that in addition to serving good food they have to be good marketers, but I think they may have crossed the line of good taste with some of their items. A sampling:

The Death of Custer Custard – a cup of blood pudding on top of which an action figure of Crazy Horse holds the severed head of the famous colonel.

Manifeast Destiny – a not-advertised option that allows the biggest, most aggressive, and meanest customer to take as much as he wants without having to pay a cent.

Trail Mix of Tears – Small bag of goodies advertised as a high-carb, high-energy mix of nuts, dried fruits, chocolate, and more that will give you enough energy to walk almost 600 miles nonstop at gunpoint. Almost.

Pigs in a Smallpox Blanket – a bizarre an unappetizing twist on the wiener-in-croissant dish.

White Man’s Bird‘n Mashed Potatoes – replicates a typical Thanksgiving dinner. They bring the turkey and potatoes and most everything else; you bring the rest of your tour bus and completely overrun the place.

So there's your review...hope you enjoy if you ever visit, and don't forget to try the fry bread!