Canadians up to no good

My lunchtime walk takes me by the Canadian Embassy most days and today there was a big protest outside. A guy with a loudspeaker shouted, “SHAME ON CANADA,” to which a crowd of 100 or so responded, “NO MORE SEAL KILLS.” They were quite adamant about this. They had signs and everything.

I passed through them and got to an intersection where stood a construction worker-type guy and an older woman with her granddaughter of maybe eight. The guy said, “What’s Canada up to now?” and I wasn’t sure if this was rhetorical or directed at me as I was walking from that direction but I said, “Killing seals, apparently.” And he replied, “Well, they gotta eat.” The little girl at this point said, “Grandma, do they eat seals?” and the older woman said, “No,” scornfully and shot the guy a look. As the light changed and we started across the street the guy said to me, “They got free health care…what more should they be complaining about?” So there you have it….down-home wisdom. Screw you, seals, because they already have free health care.

One observation - there were three men sitting very close to this group of protesters, all suffering from what appeared to be a case of severe homelessness. And the Canadians did not seem to direct any of their social concern in their direction – seals over people in Canada, I guess. I did see one of the homeless guys drinking from what at first I thought was a bottle of maple syrup and I thought I smelled some on the air, so I thought maybe the Canadians had paid them a nod and offered them a gesture of cross-cultural sustenance….but then I noticed the bottle was NOT syrup and that what I was smelling was in fact urine. I suggested to the homeless fellows that they go into the NGA for their free pickle.

Actually, as my wife pointed out to me it probably wouldn't be Canadians protesting themselves, and I imagine that these protesters were mostly Americans...also we must consider Canadians don’t get their thermal underwear in a bunch about this stuff. Ever see Canadians on the news getting all up in arms about something? No, you don’t. For one, it’s too cold up there and they have to conserve energy for personal warmth, and for another their inferiority complex at being our sissy little brother has left their collective spirit crushed. It’s more like this (warning: clichés ahead!):

Jacques: Heard they were killing some seals, eh?
Rusty (passing a Molson): It’s aboot time we protest that, eh?
Jacques: Okay, I’m protesting.
Rusty: Me too, eh? Okay, that was enough. Hey look – a moose.
Jacques: I love moose. Along with hockey, Alex Trebek, salmon, and ice fishing, eh?
Rusty: Yep. Want some bacon?
Jacques: If by bacon you mean ham, yes, eh?

They’re just easy-going that way. In fact, while I was in Nova Scotia a couple of years ago I got an extortion-like speeding ticket of $260. If the government of Nova Scotia really wanted me to pay that, it would have been in the neighborhood of $50. As it is, there is no way they’re getting their money. But bless their heart, every few months they’ll send a letter or leave a voicemail along the lines of, “Golly, we sher do hate to bother ya, but this is aboot the ticket that we’re sorry to say you still owe. We checked a few times but it looks like you just must be forgetting to send it in.”

Maybe I’ll just offer to save a few seals and they’ll let bygones be bygones.