Why why why why why why why

The Guitar Hero commercial with Michael Phelps and crew....what. the. hell?

Michael Phelps, you were like the most famous, most admired, most revered person in America just a few months ago. We forgave seeing too much of your pube area for your amazing prowess in a rigorous athletic discipline. You had celebrity capital. And this is how you chose to spend it??? You could have done just about anything and retained some cache. Anything but this.

Kobe Bryant, you are one of the biggest stars in one of the "hippest" leagues in the world. And you flush it down the toilet?? I guess there were some warning signs when we saw you unabashedly promoting....Nutella? But now this??

ARod, I can remember when you signed a $25 million PER YEAR contract, like, 10 years ago. You don't need the money!! You do look a little queer (meaning "odd") and dating Madonna these days is downright queer (meaning "gay"), but you're a big star in a big city...fire your agent.

Tony Hawk, I only kind of know you, but that is probably even more proof of your coolness. You are a skater - that's like the epitome of anti-establishment rebel youth-gone-wildness and we don't really care if you sell out with your name on a (skating) video game. How does this fit in with your image??? Oh, and when they cut to you for your close up, you look like Stephen Hawking would look if he tried to play the drums.

Four dudes running around in their underwear, lip-syncing. The last guy who did this is now a Scientologist! America was EMBARRASSED for you when this aired. The AP reported that Bob Seger made an unsuccessful attempt at suicide when he first saw it and remains under 24-hour watch. To make matters worse, when the music started I was expecting to see Heidi Klum come strutting out, as she also does these commercials. Talk about getting a bucket of cold water thrown on me.

You are all so much more successful than I'll ever be, but this career choice baffles me.

Readers, if you did just watch that ad again, here is some palate-cleansing.

And please do remember: these guys were cool.

Oh, another commuting haiku:

Your rolley bag is
Unnecessary. I kick
It. Kick it down. Hard.