What happens when a crazyhomeless guy goes into the National Gallery of Art?

He gets a free pickle.

Probably not as a rule...I don't mean to suggest this is a standing policy. There are no big banners out front, for example, proclaiming, "Homeless people, come in and get your fill of art and pickles." I recognize that what I observed was probably a one-off situation, but here's how it went down:

When the temps are lower I take a lunchtime walk and my route usually takes me by the NGA, sometimes through it. Today as I walked down the street between the east and west buildings, I saw a crazyhomeless dude stumbling along. It's really nothing new, unfortunately, and I didn't pay attention. But then I saw him veer off toward the east-building entrance. I've been in the NGA for scores of hours in my life and I've only ever seen a crazyhomeless guy in there once and he is a well-dressed moderately behaved one. (He just walks around talking gibberish into a "cell phone" that is merely him holding his hand to the side of his head and folding his ear down. If you spend much time near the mall you'll probably see him. He's a "cut above" the rest of his group, almost cerebral. My guess is when the homeless council gets together he's probably like the prime minister or something.)

So I've always thought the NGA must be pretty vigilant about meeting them at the door given that I never see them, and given the value of what is inside. Or perhaps the crazyhomeless don't even try to come in - believe it or not, despite that they're crazy, I've seen them process rational thought at times. Actually, it's probably less thought and more Pavlovian behavior. Here's the "thought" process in their head:

"The president is my uncle and he's having me watched. Need crack. Lady with pretty shoes there. Crack. The president will get me tonight. And he'll bring the crack he sells. Going into this building....wait, this is the building with the the crack outside. I mean, the sculpture outside. In past, see sculpture, walk past sculpture, mean lady push me away. Don't go to sculpture.

Crack."

So here was my chance to see this play out. Crazyhomeless guy (who was also apparently gay, based on mannerisms and the sound of his voice during random outbursts) goes up to the steps and I see a guard, hands in pockets. Guard nods to him and does nothing else. Interesting, I think. Surely the fun will end at the main guard desk inside.

Crazyhomeless guy is a good deal ahead of me yet and the windows are shaded, so by the time I'm inside he has already gone past the guard desk where two guards are sitting. WTF?? I know from experience there are some crazyhomeless people who can pass themselves off as normal, and this guy was NOT one of them. So you're letting this person in, who doesn't have rational thought processes and who may be prone to all sorts of anti-social behavior and you're letting him walk around multi-million dollar, irreplaceable works of art??

So I follow him. And now I'm thinking, what if he does do something weird. I'm the only one paying attention. What if he walks up to Ginevra, the only Leonardo in the western hemisphere, and starts to lick her face or something? I'll be the only one there to peel him away and save the day and then Art Gallery Weekly will interview me and when they ask, "And just how did it happen that you realized he was going to do this?" I'll have to think of something other than, "I was following him," because that's weird. But then they'll look at the cameras from the time the guy entered the museum and there I'll be, right behind him in every shot!

So this worried me.

He made his way directly downstairs to where the food court is. (Another curious thing about the crazyhomeless...I use the word "directly," but the guy often seemed like he could barely put one foot ahead of another and stumbled all over. Yet he went immediately to the food court, as though drawn by a beacon. Like zombies trying to get to our brains. I guess it's like watching the stock market...don't look at the little things, the stumbles and dips here and there, just count on the bigger picture resulting in an upward trend.) He went into the area where there are different stations set up - a salad bar, a pizza area, a pasta area, fried foods, etc. He went up to the guy at the pasta area and I could see them interacting and the employee just kept shaking his head. Crazyhomeless went to the soup and sandwich area and I saw him interacting with a kindly-looking hispanic woman. More back-and-forth and that's when it happened. She stealthily grabbed a pickle from a dish and handed it to him! He turned and immediately left and I was a bit shocked. His brashness was met with success. He had set a goal and accomplished it and I was for a moment somewhat impressed with him. And I'm sure she'll see him again.

At that point he munched on his pickle and went out into the expansive gift shop area. I stood off to the side and watched, expecting a shoplifting attempt or something, but he did nothing more than to continue waving at some phantom person. Finally I realized this was probably stalled for the moment and I really had to get back to work so I left. I halfway considered trying to intervene to tell him that a diet of pickles was very high in sodium and that he would just exacerbate his problems with heart disease, which wouldn't help his current station in life. Then he would be "Crazyhomeless plus" perhaps you could call it. Or more appropriately, I guess, "Crazyhomeless minus." I also then decided to take time out of my day to buy him lunch... hahahaha no, no I didn't.

Anyway, not sure what happened after I left, but if you hear about some important piece of work being damaged at the NGA, you'll have an idea of who it might have been.